i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
