Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
