OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
