i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
