i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
