You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
