i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
