You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
