If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
