Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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