In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
