Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
