dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
