Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
