shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
