just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
