so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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