I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
