Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
