Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
