they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
