This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
