Plan B is the new Plan A
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we should paint friendship bongs
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