i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
