My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
