i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
