is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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