is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
