I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
