I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
