Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
