I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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