apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
