I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
