Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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