I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
