am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
