if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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