she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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