My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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