You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
