so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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