in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
