they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
