i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
