Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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