dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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