mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My liver just had a heart attack.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
