I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
