you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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