we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
